In my small way, mostly due to my book, It’s Not My Fault And I Don’t Care Anyway, I am a part of history. As such I earn a startling amount of money. But could I have achieved this, if I carried around the many failures of my youth? My alcoholism, my broken marriage, my spoiled daughter? These bother me not at all. The story has been written, you see, and then crumpled up, and then burned in the furnace of forgiveness.

If you have ordered the Spencer Self Forgiveness kit ($49.95 CAD) than you already have all you need. Paper and pencil, as well as a Furnace of Forgiveness and your Lighter of Redemption. Sit in your best chair. Your favourite, most comfortable chair. Choose carefully, for this chair will later serve as the portal to your head castle. Fill your Chalice of Dismissive Laughter with cold pure water and Your Tissue Box of Tears with Spenser Eye Daubers, for the ritual is long, and once begun, cannot be interrupted.

Take a deep breath and centre yourself. And begin to write.

Write down everything. Everything that burdens you. Everything that saddens you. Everything that obliges you. Pillage your past and memory. Break down the doors of your childhood and exhume the graveyard of your adolescence. Name all of the tiny weights that slow your every step. Right now they are ghosts haunting your mind. Give them form outside of yourself. When you can hold your stories in your hands, you can dispense with them.